Graduate

Graduation day was absolutely amazing. The weather was gorgeously sunny, the family was there, uni friends were there. The ceremony was simple, traditionally english, & absolutely elegant. The day post-ceremony was a bit more rushed than I'd have liked & I missed photographs with a few friends, lecturers & the graduating law class. Overall though, the day was amazing, is everything I thought it would be & will be etched in memory always.

On the other hand, leaving Southampton was so very depressing. I know I'll go back to visit & all, but the notion that I'll never really live there again is taking quite a lot of getting used to. I love the student life there, but can't picture myself working and living there. I miss living amongst friends, generally independently, slightly vagabond-ishly, & miss the city a great deal. I'm still getting used to the notion of living in Singapore permanently.

Damage

As much as I want to be someone other than who I am most of the time,
Trying to decide whether to be myself & break another, or
Whether to not be myself and break myself
Is quite a leap of a choice.
And yet, there isn't so much a choice
Considering I've been broken for so very long a while
That it doensn't really matter if I break anymore.

Old Shoes

The thing about old shoes is
They fit incredibly comfortably
But after a while, we forget
How they became the comfortable old shoes
To begin with.

Identify

I actually can't tell if I feel like I'm lost again or if I feel like I've found myself.

Sometimes I think I'm taking things as they come, & other times, I think I'm waiting for something to happen before I can make my decisions.

Most of the time though, I think I'm trying so hard to be myself that I don't know if I actually am myself or if I'm creating another version of myself.

Pleased

I'm rather intrigued as to how particular aspects of my life appear to be quite on track as I would like them to be & I find myself to be floundering & trying to find my way in the dark in other aspects.

I suppose for everything to be rather on track would be simply too good to be true. At least this way, I can tell I am living in reality.

Left Over

I cannot help it.
I want to run away back to England.
It's so much easier being the odd one out long distance.

Adaptation

So it's finally done. Over with. Completed.
I'm back home & the notion of "Home Forever" is dawning upon me more like a trailer truck thundering in my direction, than a beautiful warn sunrise.
Yes, there's a certain degree of over-exaggeration to that.
In any case, I'm home & in the process of settling in. My bags are half (un)packed & I'm coming to terms with the humidity, the taxis that never stop during rain storms & the Singlish.
By the way, is it just me or are there a variety of forms of Singlish now?
I am also still trying to find my ability to eat boiling hot & spicy food in the middle of the afternoon, when all I really want is a cold salad & iced coffee.

I've been doing incredibly touristy things since I got back, such as taking photographs of the Singapore Eye Flyer, taking the train in the wrong direction, flagging down the wrong bus & upon realising it, shaking my head vigorously with a mix of a sheepish & goofy smile on my face till the bus driver laughs & mentally picturing one train station when I'm actually referring to another. The truth is, even though I've applied for postgraduate programmes here, & am applying for jobs and pupillage placements here, I still feel like I'm only here for a while & I'm going back to crazy England soon. I guess taking things one day at a time is that best way to get used to all that I have to & settle back into a new version of normalcy once more.

For now, I think I need another long cool shower. Then I shall put away whatever clothes I've piled up on my bed & curl up with a good book till I fall asleep, which shouldn't be too long away. I've had a lovely day with friends & my feet are red with the tire of walking in heels.

"Adapt or perish, now as ever, is nature's inexorable imperative."
~ H.G.Wells ~