Candles.

I wish you did. I wish you do. I wish you will.
But probably not.

Bubblebubble.

It might just be that I'm tired, but more than feeling tired, I'm lonely & rather enraged.Not the violent rage of scathing words. The kind that settles and simmers in the mind, and comes with an acrid, metallic taste in the mouth.

Yesterday

Suddenly, everything seems so uncertain all over again. In a way, I want to know where I'll be this time next year so I have some form of direction.

Just yesterday, I had a plan. Now I want to be able to move up the timeline for that plan, but I can't. It's a timeline imposed on me. And there's the finances to consider in the midst of execution of the plan.

It would also be nice to have some sort of a personal life. And rereading that sentence, it sounds rather pathetic. But I'm not deleting it, because it's still true. All those self-help stuff about being strong solo comes to mind, but it doesn't take away that it's relieving, for a lack of a better word, to have someone to share stuff with.

Tomorrow tomorrow
I love you tomorrow
You're only a day away.

Shh...

I read blogs like sixbillionsecrets.com , fmylife.com & postsecret.com just to see if I'm the only one sometimes.

It's slightly comforting to know I'm not alone in my head.

Today

Today, I was the odd girl on the train wearing suspender pants, mostly absorbed in her book.

Today was the day I could have fought & made a lot of trouble, but figured there was no point. Niceness worked out perfectly well.

Today was the day I felt like a ghost. Here, but not quite.

Today was the day I walked through the crowds. Lonely and peaceful all at once.

---

On another note, how long before you realise?

Perhaps

Things always come around. And things always work out for the best.
Sometimes there's nothing more than that to believe.
Fate. Coincidence. Serendipity.
Whatever it is, these are the things I have for now.
Faith. Belief. Hope.

Vulnerable

"Who is that sort of woman?" Vinnie snaps when Meera tries to explain the confusion that rages in her. "What woman, unless she is a nymphomaniac, or a whore, sets herself up as an available woman? We don't, Meera. Not even I. I know you think I switch lovers like I change the chopsticks in my topknot. But I am not available. You know what we are? Vulnerable!"

"That's what we are. Vulnerable fools who believe that this time no matter how often we've been proved wrong, we've found the right man. The one man who is going to enchant out lives into an extended fairy tale. The man you think you can lean into, and he'll be there for you."

Meera shudders at the phrase 'lean into'. Nothing could explain it better. That letting down of defences. A sigh of relief. Soft, soft, softness and knowing that holding it all was a bedrock of strength. She missed that so much, To let go and know there was someone to lean into.

~ Lessons in Forgetting, by Anita Nair ~