Afterword

I have had grouses & gripes recently, but I refuse to end the year sullen.

First
My family may not be perfect, heck it may not even be particularly cohesive.
Nonetheless, they are family.
They will always be the people who will be there.
Whether in some welcome manner or some warped manner.

Second
I am blessed repeatedly for friends who are colourful, sensible, ridiculous & true.
They truly exemplify the saying that friends are the family we choose for ourselves.
I can turn to them with anything & everything that runs through my mind, & they listen, reason & make it easier for me to make a decision.

Third
He's my pillar of support, my listening ear, & my sensible, thoughtful half.
He's my motivation, my inspiration & in so many ways, my aspiration.
He's the one who makes me smile no matter what makes me cry.
He's essentially my future & he's definitely my present.

Miscellaneous
I have affection. I have allegiance. I have fondness. I have friendship. I have love. I have tenderness. I have health. I have happiness.
I have best kinds of wealth.
This has been a beautiful year.

Unravelled Stiches

This is a depressing, possibly self-piteous post. For your own sanity, do not continue reading this if you do not wish to be put through such readings.

I've finally put a finger on something that's been bothering me for days. There's been this sense of loss around me, something missing, the feeling of not belonging anywhere. It's been eating away at me, dragging me down & leaving me drained all the time.

I miss having a family. There. I've said it.
I miss having a family to share things with, & to laugh with.
Partially, it's geographic, I suppose. I live apart from my family for most of the year. But that's going to end soon. I have another six months away from home & then I'll be back for good.
And in a way I'm dreading it.
This home (and it still is home in a way), is somehow stifling. The silence & the tension in the air.

Perhaps this also comes from being around families that actually seem to get along. I keep wondering why I can't have a family that speaks to each other & does things together.
For the longest of times, I actually believed that it was normal for siblings to go for weeks & months without talking to each other. I sometimes still believe it's normal to come back home & spend all my time in my room on my own.

Right now, I don't think I would know how to be around a family. I remember drawing stick figure pictures of idealised families when I was much younger. Two larger stick figures & two smaller stick figures, holding their stick hands together in front of a house with a smoking chimney and the sun smiling down on them. If asked to draw a picture of a family now, I'd probably stare blankly at a piece of paper.

Seven Hundred & Thirty, & Five Hundred

Three years, periods of absence, vast & varying opinions, numerous unanswered & possibly rhetoric questions, & this is finally the five hundredth post on this blog.

I've actually been waiting to put up this post, waiting for something spectacular to write of. Now I figure there's something spectacular about the everyday.

I'm home again, I'm amidst the ones I love the most, & another year comes to an end together with plans brewing to celebrate the end of the year & cheer in the new year. And there's so much I'm thankful. Particularly today.

Happy Second Anniversary Nir. I'm so blessed to have you so much a part of my life. Love you so much. =)

Falling Up

There's no song more perfect than this for my state of mind right now.

There's so much I'm looking forward to. I half think the anticipation is what holds the magic.

I love that line, by the way. "And somehow I'm feeling it's up that I fell."

ELPHABA
Kiss Me too fiercely
Hold me too tight
I need help believing
You're with me tonight
My wildest dreaming
Could not foresee
Lying beside you
With you wanting me

And just for this moment
As long as you're mine
I've lost all resistance
And crossed some border line
And if it turns out
It's over too fast
I'll make every last moment last
As long as you're mine

FIYERO
Maybe I'm brainless
Maybe I'm wise
But you've got me seeing
Through different eyes
Somehow I've fallen
Under your spell
And somehow I'm feeling
It's up that I fell

BOTH
Every moment
As long as you're mine
I'll wake up my body
And make up for lost time

FIYERO
Say there's no future
For us as a pair

BOTH
And though I may know
I don't care
Just for this moment
As long as you're mine
Come be how you want to
And see how bright we shine
Borrow the moonlight
Until it is through
And know I'll be here holding you
As long as you're mine

FIYERO
(spoken)
What is it?(etc.)

ELPHABA
(spoken)
It's just for the first time,
I feel ... wicked

Lavathena, Mystique, I'm still so glad we got to watch Wicked together! I keep reliving the whole experience! Love you girls!