Clearing Cobwebs
I've been thinking a great deal about this past year & the plans for the upcoming one. I've graduated from uni, moved back to Sg, am living at home with The Family & have The Friends around at closer range. I've started a new course, have my own transport, am generally settled back in & sometimes, rather restless for adventure again.
At times I'm content with watching tomorrows unfold as the come by & at other times, I like knowing what lies ahead. Sometimes I feel my life moving forwards, sometimes staying stagnant, & sometimes I feel for every one step I take forward, I somehow take three steps backwards. [Digression: I think that's what disturbs me most about rugby - the notion that running forward is coupled with backward passes.]
These are my particular conflicts of thought:
Home
I love the creature-comforts of home & having my parents around as a sounding board always. That being said, I miss the freedom of doing what I wanted as & when I chose to, I miss the independence of living alone, & the sense of satisfaction that I could provide for myself & be independent. Granted I was never entirely alone, I wasn't financially independent, & The Parents give me all the freedom I want & need.
Work
The LLB has been achieved as I have wanted it to be & I enjoyed the final year so much that I'd go do it all over again. I will always know that the honours I received was well worth the effort & sacrifices & the entire course has been an experience that I will always treasure. However, that the much-desired, much-worked-for qualification isn't yet sufficient to go on to work in the chosen profession is exhausting & frustrating. The present course is not something that gives me much joy or satisfaction, & the course I would greatly love to involve myself is financially out of reach for the time being. That just leaves me apathetic to the present course & craving for the out-of-reach course. I don't like not enjoying what I'm doing & having to do it for the sake of things.
Love
It's wonderful being in the same country as The Fellow for more than three months at a stretch. More in-person time is being spent together & that brings with it a greater reconciliation between our differences & synchronisation of our harmonies. In some ways I love the comfort & ease that's arisen out for the past three years, & in other ways, I cannot help but think that we missed out on something because I was geographically away for most of those three years & that somethign can never be recovered or recreated.
Friendship
My constants are my constant. I am always thankful they remain so. We have all grown differently & somehow yet together at the same time. We all have our varied commitments & control factors to work around, but it gives me great comfort that we seem to make the effort to keep in contact & within each others' lives. There's not much confusion on this area; just hope that the effort always remains.
Money
I would like some that I've earned, thank you very much. Granted, I won't be too picky on this issue. I'm reasonably happy with money that I haven't specifically worked for, but I will draw the line at unconscionably begotten money.
I am looking forward to next year. Things will change, I will grow differently as will those around me. It will take effort to retain the togetherness & that is effort I'm willing to make. There are the life-moments I'm looking forward to, particularly the ones for which the plans have been stewing for a while now & the spontaneous ones that will come by as & when life wills them to. There really isn't anything that I regret this past year & I do look forward to what life has in store for next year.
At times I'm content with watching tomorrows unfold as the come by & at other times, I like knowing what lies ahead. Sometimes I feel my life moving forwards, sometimes staying stagnant, & sometimes I feel for every one step I take forward, I somehow take three steps backwards. [Digression: I think that's what disturbs me most about rugby - the notion that running forward is coupled with backward passes.]
These are my particular conflicts of thought:
Home
I love the creature-comforts of home & having my parents around as a sounding board always. That being said, I miss the freedom of doing what I wanted as & when I chose to, I miss the independence of living alone, & the sense of satisfaction that I could provide for myself & be independent. Granted I was never entirely alone, I wasn't financially independent, & The Parents give me all the freedom I want & need.
Work
The LLB has been achieved as I have wanted it to be & I enjoyed the final year so much that I'd go do it all over again. I will always know that the honours I received was well worth the effort & sacrifices & the entire course has been an experience that I will always treasure. However, that the much-desired, much-worked-for qualification isn't yet sufficient to go on to work in the chosen profession is exhausting & frustrating. The present course is not something that gives me much joy or satisfaction, & the course I would greatly love to involve myself is financially out of reach for the time being. That just leaves me apathetic to the present course & craving for the out-of-reach course. I don't like not enjoying what I'm doing & having to do it for the sake of things.
Love
It's wonderful being in the same country as The Fellow for more than three months at a stretch. More in-person time is being spent together & that brings with it a greater reconciliation between our differences & synchronisation of our harmonies. In some ways I love the comfort & ease that's arisen out for the past three years, & in other ways, I cannot help but think that we missed out on something because I was geographically away for most of those three years & that somethign can never be recovered or recreated.
Friendship
My constants are my constant. I am always thankful they remain so. We have all grown differently & somehow yet together at the same time. We all have our varied commitments & control factors to work around, but it gives me great comfort that we seem to make the effort to keep in contact & within each others' lives. There's not much confusion on this area; just hope that the effort always remains.
Money
I would like some that I've earned, thank you very much. Granted, I won't be too picky on this issue. I'm reasonably happy with money that I haven't specifically worked for, but I will draw the line at unconscionably begotten money.
I am looking forward to next year. Things will change, I will grow differently as will those around me. It will take effort to retain the togetherness & that is effort I'm willing to make. There are the life-moments I'm looking forward to, particularly the ones for which the plans have been stewing for a while now & the spontaneous ones that will come by as & when life wills them to. There really isn't anything that I regret this past year & I do look forward to what life has in store for next year.
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